day 2 blog world!

it was a empty day today, yet really relaxing. its weird, how mind is so illogical. how it combines all sorts of emotion in one palette, and draws a unique abstract painting of its own.

.........i took a day of from everything.

made some amazing pancakes, potatoes, mushrooms, eggs and a cup of warm tea(had breakfast with this friend  person that i had lotsa mixed uo feelings for once. feeling that i don't know how to describe, it wasn't a crush, it wasn't love, it was something so unknown to me. i was supposed to be really angry at him(for things he did), i don't remember him with significance. he often comes in mind. but i am not supposed to remember him EVER!
 i am in a relationship! 

though, that is a funny story too now, i haven't seen my boyfriend in 3 years, we talk on the phone only. i am starting to forget how my boyfriend smiles, or even looks like...he is an amazing person, caring, supportive, sweet...............normal, without drama! but i guess i am tired of pretending to be in a relationship where i can't feel it! i can't touch the mans hand when i am lonely, i can't expect a compliment when i do my hair, when i dress up, cause he cant see me! i am so tired of eating alone! i am tired of my lonely evenings, i am tired of the tiring days when i can't find him next to me. 

...........................i sat down, thought about these things, 

however none of these issues are resolved. i don't think its going to be any soon either. i don't know how to move on and forget the people that i want forget, i don't know how to let go off my relationship that i respect and truly adore, i don't know anything, it drives me insane......but what i do know! LIFE MOVES ON WITH TIME!  

so trying to move on with time, Good night unknown viewers!