so its 31st, 2011. last day of this year!
i wanted to be enthusiastic and sound all positive, but i thought hek with it. this month i kinda gave up on my strength, and liking it this way, empty and lonely. who says one need to be always positive. i don't want to lie with my feelings!
i was supposed to take a take-home exam today, which i am putting off from last week. and its due day after tomorrow. i guess i will never learn to do things before time, its always gotta be last minute.
other than being lazy about the test i had a pretty organized day.
i cleaned my apartment, my roommate isn't coming back from break until jan 17th(till then its heaven, well she isnt that bad either, just a bit weird, asks lotsa ques, and god! mood swings, other then that she is quiet and sometimes its nice having a cup of coffee with her once in a while). i watered my herbs, cooked chicken and some steamed rice. had lunch in my sunny warm dining room.
though i kept feeling that emptiness... all day. i kept missing this person that i wasnt supposed too :(
on a different note, parents are dealing with their own drama's, and they barely call me. i feel so empty inside!!!
as of right now, its 9 pm, and all my friends went out to celeb 31st with their boy friend, husband or dates. i wanted to tell myself it doesnt matter, i am gonna have a great time. so i made myself dinner. originally the plan was to make Pitta bread pizza with mozzarella(i was craving for something fattening :( ). but pita bread i had, expired when i checked, so i used regular uncooked tortilla.

- u should use pizza sauce, as i was too lazy too make some i did use some store bought spaghetti sauce.
- i grated some mozzarella, also sprinkled some romano cheese.
- also used some cut up beef hotdog(cooked/warmed up. use whatever meat you have available like chicken or pepperoni, hotdog is all i had today). don't if you don't want to.
- i used some green olive(they were actually quiet salty, next time i know not to buy the same brand)
- used fresh basil from my basil plant.
- some garlic powder. also added some cilantro, parsley and dried oregano. too bad i didn't have tomatos either.
then on a pan i let the pizza cooked on low flame until the cheese melted. it was kinda crispier then i liked it to be, as tortillas are quiet thin, so cooked very fast. but let me tell you, it was yumm. for a college student with low budget, its a pretty good homemade dinner for a lazy evening(for me its a lazy 31st night).

and i finished my dinner with a cup of warm black tea, with some mixed in half n half and a bit of sugar.

hey, who ever you are, reading my silly blog, i hope you have a great great new year with your close ones. stay safe and sweet [:

day 2 blog world!

it was a empty day today, yet really relaxing. its weird, how mind is so illogical. how it combines all sorts of emotion in one palette, and draws a unique abstract painting of its own.

.........i took a day of from everything.

made some amazing pancakes, potatoes, mushrooms, eggs and a cup of warm tea(had breakfast with this friend  person that i had lotsa mixed uo feelings for once. feeling that i don't know how to describe, it wasn't a crush, it wasn't love, it was something so unknown to me. i was supposed to be really angry at him(for things he did), i don't remember him with significance. he often comes in mind. but i am not supposed to remember him EVER!
 i am in a relationship! 

though, that is a funny story too now, i haven't seen my boyfriend in 3 years, we talk on the phone only. i am starting to forget how my boyfriend smiles, or even looks like...he is an amazing person, caring, supportive, sweet...............normal, without drama! but i guess i am tired of pretending to be in a relationship where i can't feel it! i can't touch the mans hand when i am lonely, i can't expect a compliment when i do my hair, when i dress up, cause he cant see me! i am so tired of eating alone! i am tired of my lonely evenings, i am tired of the tiring days when i can't find him next to me. 

...........................i sat down, thought about these things, 

however none of these issues are resolved. i don't think its going to be any soon either. i don't know how to move on and forget the people that i want forget, i don't know how to let go off my relationship that i respect and truly adore, i don't know anything, it drives me insane......but what i do know! LIFE MOVES ON WITH TIME!  

so trying to move on with time, Good night unknown viewers!

...

i look thru one blog after another, so many of them...so colorful, filled with ideas, inspiration, really creative, some are repeater, some are celebrating the joy of learning something new, some thoughtful, also some awful. i am here...sitting down from hours, got no clue what to write on my blog, what my blog is going to be about! i don't have some amazing tips, nor do i have some great recipes. No! no one forced me to open a blog, still i am here, sitting down to write a blog about something, anything. the idea of writing and putting ones life in front whole world sounds fascinating. and i am so for it, like tons of other blogger. someday some girl from another side of the earth might read my blog, and might feel what i feel! she even might like reading my unorganized unnecessary thoughts! that will the victory for me behind opening this blog!